Wheat Ridge Theatre’s bold choice: ‘The Irish Curse’

In Martin Casella’s comedy, a group of men confront a tiny little problem

This is a play about dicks — mostly small ones, but large ones are also mentioned. Blowjobs are discussed at some length as well. But really it comes down to size: teeny tiny li’l peckers and wee willies that cause their owners no small amount of shame and anxiety.

And we’re not talking about smallish penises, the kind that might be somewhat below average but that still look more or less normal. No, the characters in The Irish Curse compare their units to cocktail sausages and bottle caps and baby corn. The guy who claims to have a 3-incher is the envy of the rest of them.

I mention all this not to shock but to clearly emphasize that this production from Wheat Ridge Theatre Company is really all about dicks and not for everyone. In fact, if you were squirming reading those first two paragraphs, you might consider giving this one a miss.

But I wouldn’t suggest doing so for, despite the initial impression that this is purely a comedy for laughing at dainty dongs, the story unfolds much more deeply into some universal human themes and questions of masculinity that truly resonate.

Andrew Seller sums up the play’s theme | Photo: RDG Photography

You just have to hear a lot about penises to get there.

Written by Martin Casella and directed by Selena A. Naumoff (who, as a woman, hopefully earned some kind of combat pay for taking this one on), it features a really nice cast of guys who’ve thrown aside any concern about the subject matter to discuss a taboo topic that’s nonetheless quite real for some.

Now, I grew up in an Irish-Catholic family in New York that was not at all shy about discussing sex and related topics. But until I saw this play, I’d never heard of the “Irish curse” — an urban myth of sorts about how guys with Irish blood have small willies. But the men meeting in a New York City church basement certainly have, and they’re guided by a fellow wee-weenie priest to work through their issues.

It was Father Kevin Shaunessy (Jim Hayes) and Joseph Flaherty (Dan Marquardt) who started the group after Stephen shared his story. For Joseph, a recent divorce has him reeling as he contemplates having to date again and share his secret. And for Rick Baldwin (Jose Serrano), being happily engaged isn’t enough to make him feel whole: He walks around with a gym sock stuffed down his pants and lies about hooking up with hot women.

Rick tends to get into it with Stephen (Ian F. Scott), a gay NYC cop. Stephen is a tall, buff dude who, he says, would be expected to be well endowed. His way of coping with it is to only perform oral sex with strangers — men whose names he never learns.

The main action is driven by newcomer Keiran Riley (Andrew Seller), a young man about to be married to the love of his life, but he’s a virgin terrified of being dumped when the truth is out. Seller is tremendous in this role, an earnest young man with a legit Irish brogue who, in the course of asking a million questions of the other men, sets in motion a series of breakthroughs for all of them — even Father Kevin.

Wheat Ridge Theatre Company recently moved into its own space in a strip mall on W. 38^th Avenue. The modest-sized space and low ceiling may prove challenging for other productions, but for this one it’s ideal. Naumoff chose to go with a bare-bones set with only some folding chairs and a table with coffee and water upstage. This one is all about the men as they create for themselves a crucible of raw emotion in that basement. Attempts to stop cussing in deference to Father Kevin soon goes by the wayside, and the priest gives up trying to enforce any such decorum.

Hayes is well-suited to the role physically and he plays Kevin with a calm but firm hand trying to guide things in productive directions. But he ultimately embraces the chaos as the men yell at one another, scuffle, swear and stalk the rectangular stage letting it all out. Serrano may not look very Irish, but he’s a compelling actor who takes Rick’s natural belligerence to paint a realistic portrait of a man covering his insecurities with bombast and bragging. As Stephen, Ian Scott is fantastic — a wound-up ball of nerves and energy who would command a much bigger stage.

As regular-guy Joseph — a real estate attorney — Marquardt does a nice job playing a 9-5 schlub who’s still got plenty of prickly New Yorker in him. It keeps his character from being rolled over by the other guys and gives him room to shout out his own truths when pressed.

The Irish Curse has a satisfying ending and was well received by the near-full house at last Sunday’s matinee. With the audience arranged on three sides, you’re never far from the action and the well-lit space also affords great opportunity to observe the reactions of others. I was stealing looks at those opposite me, particularly interested in how the older women were taking it — especially in the beginning as we’re being hit with a torrent of dick jokes from the get-go.

They were laughing more than the men.